The Mess That is My Mind-Thought Provoking Questions

First of all I just want to say how hard this assignment answering these personal belief questions is going to be. Reading the introductory paragraph on the question prompts page really hit home for me-the part about family values anyway. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what I believe and how that differs from the way I was raised, and I'm just going to say that it's not going so well. My parents are trying to tell me what I'm supposed to think, and I'm really not ok with that, but at the same time, I'm not sure exactly what I think either, or how to tell them that what I think is different than what they taught me. I'm so scared of dissappointing them by not doing or thinking the wrong thing but at the same time, at some point I have to figure out what I believe and stand up to them and show them that my beliefs aren't necessarily bad, simply different from theirs. It's not going to be pretty when that happens, but it's inevitable. That quote by Ernest Hemingway sums things up pretty well. But I just wanted to say that that part really hit home for me. This has been on my mind lately, so this will probably show up in these questions because I've been thinking about it so much.

1. ) When were you disappointed when someone made a promise to you that they couldn't keep? Or when did you break a promise you made to someone else?

I can't really think of a specific promise that someone made to me that they broke; not a big important one anyway. There have been multitudes of small promise infractions, like a friend not coming when they said they would, someone telling a secret that no one was supposed to know, or my dad not being able to make it to my volleyball or basketball games because he had work to do on the farm. Nothing really big or significant has ever been promised to me without it actually being followed through. I'm probably really lucky that way. Most people can't say that. Unfortunately, I have to say that I have made promises that I can't keep. This is actually a big part of my life right now, and I'm not going to get into all the details now, but it has really hurt someone and I hate that, but it's just such a complicated issue. A promise is a promise, but sometimes when a person breaks a promise, they felt that they had no choice. Breaking a promise isn't always about hurting the person that it was made to. Sometimes there are unforseeable circumstances involved in breaking a promise. When I break a promise, it's never to hurt the person. I feel absolutely horrible when I do break a promise. I hate breaking promises but sometimes it's kind of inevitable, at least to the person breaking the promise. I hate it when people break promises to me but at the same time I know that when I break promises I just feel like that's the only way.

2.) Have you ever prejudged someone incorrectly based on their appearance or has someone ever prejudged you unfairly based on how you look?

Again, I think of my boyfriend right away. That was probably the biggest prejudgment that I've ever made. As unfair as it may be, when I first started working with him (that's how we met, we worked together) I thought he was a nice guy but just not someone that I would ever hang out with, let alone actually date. He just wasn't my type at all. I had always been into farm boys-mostly because that's pretty much all I knew, and I know that's what my parents wanted for me. And Adam is NOT a farmboy, not by a long shot. Once again I was doing what my parents thought and not necessarily thinking for myself. That's been quite an issue for me lately. But then I started to get to know Adam, and even though he doesn't wear Wranglers and cowboy boots-he's much more of a band t-shirt, black jeans, skater shoes kind of guy-and his taste in music is questionable (heavy rap or techno), he's a great guy. And it simply took getting to know him to see that. I had to give him a second chance, and, more importantly I had to get over what my parents thought and go with what I thought about Adam. That's a major lesson learned for me. I'm sure people have judged me based on my appearance. People assume I have a nasty temper-which can be true, I'm not going to deny it-but if people don't know me it kind of bothers me that I have a bad temper just because of my hair color. And people assume that this isn't my natural haircolor; I get asked that all the time. I'm sure people judge me just as much as I tend to judge other people. It sounds horrible to say that I judge people like that, but everyone does. This is just part of being human.

3.) What skill or area are you still working to make progress?
I'm still working to make progress in many areas of my life. I believe that there's always room for improvement. When we give up trying to make progress, its just giving up. We can always make ourselves a little bit better in small ways, especially mentally. We can never give up learning.

4.) What obstacles are you proud to have faced and conquered?
I am proud to have conquered the obstacle of paying for college. I was really worried about how to pay for college, but I worked hard. I filled out as many scholoarship applications a I could. I asked questions. I wrote essays. I didn't give up when I didn't get one of the scholarships that I applied for. And it finally paid off: I got the Dakota Corps Scholarship, which will pay for just about all of the costs of school that I have if I teach in a critical need area in South Dakota for 5 years, so I decided to double major in English and Spanish. I was so excited when I recieved that scholarship. I was also particularily proud when I was able to buy my own car and completely pay for it. That was a huge accomplishment for me, because it made me feel more self-sufficient.
5.) How do you define "hero" and who is your hero in your life?
I personally define a hero as someone who can be looked up to; someone who has accomplished something in their life. It doesn't have to be a save-the-world kind of accomplishment, because sometimes the person who just does the simple things is the most worthy of being a hero. In my life, as cliche as it may sound, my dad is probably my hero. He works so hard to give us a good life, and he's been there for me and taught me so much. He has lived and worked on a farm his entire life and he saved up money to buy the farm that we live on. Dad and I may not always get along, but I do respect the things that he's done.

6.) When did you feel divine because you were able to forgive someone for their mistake? When did someone act divine by forgiving you when you were wrong?
This may sound conceited, but I feel like I forgive people a lot, for big things and little things. I haven't ever held a real grudge. I believe that most people deserve second chances because we're all human and we make mistakes. Sometimes the mistakes are big and sometimes they are small, but we all make them and everyone deserves to have a second chance. I'm definitely glad that people have given me a second chance, because I've made some pretty silly mistakes. Lately I've asked Adam to forgive me for a multitude of things, and I'm so greatful that he's willing to give me another chance. I think it takes a lot of inner strength to forgive people.

7.) What is a quotation that guides your life?
"It is our choices, far more than our abilities, that make us what we truly are."-J.K. Rowling
I love this quote and this is the one that I'm trying to use to guide my life right now. I need to grow up and start to make my own choices and decisions, even if they are different from my parents. It's not going to be easy, but that's the way it has to be.